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My own Visual novel

Discussion in 'Everything Else!' started by Xand, May 5, 2016.

  1. Xand

    Xand Elf in a dark elf team

    Messages:
    416
    IGN/ID:
    renemari
    Club:
    NekoFleetz
    Galaxy:
    noob galaxy
    Hello SS fan forum, Some time ago i started to draw and write my own visual novel game. I'm dead serious to complete game and make it so everyone can play usind computers or smartphones. Please feel free to visit my game FB page, tell me about mistakes, about art or anything you want! https://www.facebook.com/RenKinovels/
     
  2. Keito-kun

    Keito-kun

    Messages:
    54
    Location:
    Ravian's love dungeon
    IGN/ID:
    Hewo
    Club:
    SavioursOfThunder
    Galaxy:
    Galaxy
    Colosseum:
    43
    I'm a big fan of Visual novel's and your's looks interesting! I'll be sure to give whatever support I can lvero

    Also, looking forward to the read. Story has peeked my interest lsmirk
     
  3. Xand

    Xand Elf in a dark elf team

    Messages:
    416
    IGN/ID:
    renemari
    Club:
    NekoFleetz
    Galaxy:
    noob galaxy
    Thank you alot! Story will be full of event and your character may die in process, But I hope it will be fun!
     
    Keito-kun likes this.
  4. Keito-kun

    Keito-kun

    Messages:
    54
    Location:
    Ravian's love dungeon
    IGN/ID:
    Hewo
    Club:
    SavioursOfThunder
    Galaxy:
    Galaxy
    Colosseum:
    43
    Lemme know when the demon releases lravian
     
  5. FatalCookies

    FatalCookies Cookie Master

    Messages:
    534
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    IGN/ID:
    CookiesOP
    Club:
    Paradox cookie chef
    Galaxy:
    2600
    Colosseum:
    44
    The background art looks amazing! Can't wait to see the final product~
     
  6. Dark Demon Crimson

    Dark Demon Crimson Unholy Sweet Demonic Devil

    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Hellion Empire
    IGN/ID:
    Lynbell...
    Club:
    TheNekoFleet
    Galaxy:
    4ever Bronze (probably?)
    Colosseum:
    41
  7. Xand

    Xand Elf in a dark elf team

    Messages:
    416
    IGN/ID:
    renemari
    Club:
    NekoFleetz
    Galaxy:
    noob galaxy
    Thank you alot! I want to finish Demo ver 15 this month but there can be grammar mistakes because ebglish not my native.
     
  8. Kyoko Hitaka

    Kyoko Hitaka Why is my club a meme?

    Messages:
    455
    IGN/ID:
    KyokoH
    Club:
    Doki Doki Spirits
    Galaxy:
    Galaxy
    Colosseum:
    CoD 44/CoT 41
    This looks really cool!! Good luck!
    lgolia
     
  9. Xand

    Xand Elf in a dark elf team

    Messages:
    416
    IGN/ID:
    renemari
    Club:
    NekoFleetz
    Galaxy:
    noob galaxy
  10. Dark Demon Crimson

    Dark Demon Crimson Unholy Sweet Demonic Devil

    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Hellion Empire
    IGN/ID:
    Lynbell...
    Club:
    TheNekoFleet
    Galaxy:
    4ever Bronze (probably?)
    Colosseum:
    41
    Kirothi, Nikaur profile on your webpage, first "Have you ever... junle" is "jungle" i believe?
     
  11. DeltaRubee

    DeltaRubee i should probably give up on SS soon

    Messages:
    681
    Location:
    Earth :3
    IGN/ID:
    DeltaRuby
    Club:
    AshesOfDawn
    Galaxy:
    Milky Way
    Colosseum:
    34
    i aint no expert at english, but im just gna drop my opinion on how it shud be correctly sounding like imo


    > make an uneasy decisions ---> make uneasy decisions
    >Will you stuck here forever ----> Will you be stuck here forever
    > Who need a nap ---> Who needs a nap
     
  12. Dark Demon Crimson

    Dark Demon Crimson Unholy Sweet Demonic Devil

    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Hellion Empire
    IGN/ID:
    Lynbell...
    Club:
    TheNekoFleet
    Galaxy:
    4ever Bronze (probably?)
    Colosseum:
    41
    ^ Delta is better than me in that term tho, i just barely know English and I saying something oi think it's too obvious :eek:
     
  13. Xand

    Xand Elf in a dark elf team

    Messages:
    416
    IGN/ID:
    renemari
    Club:
    NekoFleetz
    Galaxy:
    noob galaxy
    Thank you a lot! I fixed mentioned problems. Im not english expert myself and now Im sure that I will start kickstarter campaign to fund some money to afford professional translation of the game.
     
  14. Dark Demon Crimson

    Dark Demon Crimson Unholy Sweet Demonic Devil

    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Hellion Empire
    IGN/ID:
    Lynbell...
    Club:
    TheNekoFleet
    Galaxy:
    4ever Bronze (probably?)
    Colosseum:
    41
    Good luck, Kirothi-sensei! I can't moneyly help you ( underage QwQ) but our mental will support you with everything ~
     
  15. Xand

    Xand Elf in a dark elf team

    Messages:
    416
    IGN/ID:
    renemari
    Club:
    NekoFleetz
    Galaxy:
    noob galaxy
    Thank you a lot friends! Ill fix the grammar now!
     
  16. Xand

    Xand Elf in a dark elf team

    Messages:
    416
    IGN/ID:
    renemari
    Club:
    NekoFleetz
    Galaxy:
    noob galaxy
    Dark Demon Crimson likes this.
  17. Dark Demon Crimson

    Dark Demon Crimson Unholy Sweet Demonic Devil

    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Hellion Empire
    IGN/ID:
    Lynbell...
    Club:
    TheNekoFleet
    Galaxy:
    4ever Bronze (probably?)
    Colosseum:
    41
    _2nd paragraph
    "She is a well of Knowledge...."
    If you mean she knows many things, should be change to "She has a wide...."
    If you mean a well literally, let it slide.

    _3rd paragraph "could" to "couldn't"

    _last sentence of 3rd paragraph, if you mean she doesn't have 2 shoe, you should say "She doesn't even have a pair of shoe"
     
  18. Xand

    Xand Elf in a dark elf team

    Messages:
    416
    IGN/ID:
    renemari
    Club:
    NekoFleetz
    Galaxy:
    noob galaxy
    ouch seems I need proofreading. Thnx for pointing out these.

    No it was meant that she has no shoes at all :D She and main hero didn't found any shoes nearby at all.
     
  19. Dark Demon Crimson

    Dark Demon Crimson Unholy Sweet Demonic Devil

    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Hellion Empire
    IGN/ID:
    Lynbell...
    Club:
    TheNekoFleet
    Galaxy:
    4ever Bronze (probably?)
    Colosseum:
    41

    Next time before posting something, i highly recommend post it in our club LINE first, we missed you there Kiroth-sensei ;-;
     
  20. Dark Demon Crimson

    Dark Demon Crimson Unholy Sweet Demonic Devil

    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Hellion Empire
    IGN/ID:
    Lynbell...
    Club:
    TheNekoFleet
    Galaxy:
    4ever Bronze (probably?)
    Colosseum:
    41
    And i suggested changing the last sentence to "She doesn't even have a single shoe."
     

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